How Past Trauma Can Sabotage Intimacy and What to Do About It
Trauma lingers long after the initial hurt is over. It sneaks into relationships, especially as you try to get close to someone.You might freeze at vulnerable moments, or start arguments out of thin air. It doesn’t make sense, because you do want that connection. Though something keeps getting in the way.At Mental Health Counselor PLLC, we can help. What Happens in Your Brain Past trauma changes the functioning of your nervous system. In response to survival, your brain develops hypervigilance, always “looking out” for impending danger.It helped to protect you once, and now it deems intimacy to be threatening.And it was fine when you were in need of protection but now it treats intimacy as a threat.Your body responds before you even realize what’s happening: They’re attachment injuries showing up in real time, affecting how you bond with others. The Protection That Becomes a Problem Most people build defenses without meaning to. What psychologists call maladaptive behaviors start as ways to avoid getting hurt again.The trouble is, they also prevent the good stuff from getting through.You might notice yourself: This has to do with cognitive schemas. These are the mental frameworks trauma builds that say “closeness equals pain” or “I can’t trust anyone.”Your brain thinks it’s keeping you safe, but it’s really just keeping you stuck. Read more – 5 Signs Your Relationship Is Suffering from Poor Communication (and What to Do) Ways to Start Changing Your brain exhibits a phenomenon known as neuroplasticity. This allows your brain to rewire itself.Healing from trauma is about teaching your system that the connection can feel different now.Things that help: Approaches like EMDR therapy or somatic experiencing target how trauma gets stored physically.Sometimes understanding the “why” behind your reactions reduces the shame enough to try something new. The Reality of Getting Better You’ll have weeks where you feel more present. There will also be days when old patterns resurface with a vengeance.Remember: The relationship with oneself needs attention as well. Self-compassion isn’t just a nice idea; it’s what makes the rest of this work actually doable. Getting Therapeutic Support Often, such healing is hard to come by all on your own. Our therapists at Mental Health Counselor PLLC have advanced training in the impact of trauma on relationships.Whether it’s about trust, emotional availability, or even just the willingness to break the cycle of repeating the same patterns, we can help.Create relationships that feel safe. Book with us and experience the difference when you have the right support. We offer sessions both in person and online. FAQs Does old trauma really still matter if it happened years ago?Yes. As time passes, trauma doesn’t simply disappear. It will continue to mold how you relate to people until you really work through it. How long does it usually take to heal?Everyone is different. Most people experience the change within a few months of regular therapy. Deep healing takes longer. What if I can’t articulate my trauma responses to my partner?It’s a common feeling. Actually, couples therapy can help both of you make arrangements to understand and work through it together.
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