You make a decision. Then you immediately second-guess it. Then you replay it. Then you wonder what everyone else thinks.
Then you’re exhausted – and nothing has actually changed.
That’s overthinking. And if it sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
You might have asked yourself, “Why am I an overthinker?” and the answer might surprise you. Overthinking isn’t a character flaw.
It’s a learned cognitive pattern. Like any pattern, it can be understood and shifted.
What Is Actually Happening in Your Brain
The Rumination Loop
Overthinking shows up in two forms: rumination and worry.
Rumination pulls you backwards – replaying past events.
What did I do wrong? Worry pulls you forward.
Worrying about things that haven’t happened yet?
Both activate the same stress response system. Your amygdala, the brain’s threat-detection system just treats uncertainty as danger.
And so your mind keeps spinning, looking for an explanation that never comes. If you’ve ever wondered why can’t I stop overthinking, this is why.
Your brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do.
This cycle is reinforced by something called negative cognitive bias.
The brain’s tendency to weigh negative information more heavily than positive. It’s not you being pessimistic. It’s your nervous system doing what it evolved to do.
When It Becomes a Problem
It’s normal to get hesitant about a decision from time to time. But when that type of hesitation becomes constant or chronic, it can lead to:
- Extreme anxiety and feeling nervous when you are uncertain about something
- Not being able to make even the smallest of choices (this is called decision fatigue)
- Rumination. This is when you constantly think about the same thing, and it is a known factor that increases the likelihood of someone developing depression
- Your sleep gets messed up because you will have intrusive thoughts about the same thing when you are trying to sleep
- Intrusive thoughts when trying to sleep lead to decreased self-efficacy, or your sense of feeling that you can actually manage things, starts to degrade
- Your mind gets ‘stuck’ when you are constantly thinking about something and it isn’t just working against you
How to Actually Break the Cycle
If you’re searching for how to not overthink so much, or even how to stop overthinking forever, the good news is that these patterns can be meaningfully shifted. Here’s how.
1. Name What’s Happening (Metacognitive Awareness)
The first step to breaking the cycle is actually really simple: realize that you are thinking a lot about a decision.
This is called metacognition, or thinking about the process of your thinking.
When you negatively label the thought process, “this is a catastrophe that I’m thinking about”, or “this is just rumination”, you create a small gap between you and the thought.
It is that gap where change happens.
2. Think About the Thought, and Not Just the Feeling
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, we learn not to blindly trust our thoughts.
Instead, we reflect on the reasoning of the thought.
Consider questions like:
- Is it reasonable to think this way?
- What’s the best outcome I can wish for with this thought?
- If my friend were thinking this, would I let them?
All negative thinking IS correct – cognitive restructuring IS interrupting them from spiralling out of control to be correct.
3. Give Yourself Time to Worry
One of the most effective strategies for how to stop your mind from overthinking is scheduling your worry. Here is an easy way to create an anti-worry calendar.
Try to block out 15 minutes a day to think about your negative thoughts.
Outside of those 15 minutes, do not think about the thoughts at all. It works.
You are training your brain to see worrying and rumination as problems, and they should be contained.
4. Stay Focused
When you focus on the current moment then all that thinking about the future and the past fades away.
Mindfulness teaches you to focus and clear your mind, and is one of the most proven methods for how to calm your mind from overthinking.
Use an anchor, something you can feel, something you can see, or just your breath.
The goal is to drag your mind back to the present. Trust the process. You can do this for 5 minutes. A cycle of overthinking will break.
5. Act On What You Can Control
Most overthinking happens because of indecision or the avoidance of a conversation. If you’re looking for how to stop overthinking and relax, action is often the answer.
Behavioral activation can happen by simply doing one small thing. This reduces one of the major mental burdens of uncertainty.
Movement makes a change that thinking cannot provide. This is a key part of how to get over overthinking. Not thinking your way out, but acting your way out.
When Self-Help Doesn’t Work
It’s is important to remember that overthinking can come from anxiety, trauma or depression.
With anxiety, overthinking, and healing, this is where professional help can be the most beneficial.
An organized and safe way of working through these patterns is possible through an experienced therapist.
If you’re thinking about how to help an overthinker then professional support is the most strong encouragement you can provide.
More than a simple habit, overthinking is a lot.
Get Support
At Mental Health Counselor PLLC, we have licensed specialists in anxiety and cognitive therapy. We offer services in New York and online.
You can finally gain the mental clarity you have been searching for.
Book an appointment today.
Call us: (212) 696-4717
office@mentalhealthcounselor.net
FAQs
How long does it take to see improvement in therapy?
The answer will vary based on the individual case. Improvement can be seen after a few therapy sessions, but it could take longer if relevant patterns or processes have been established.
Do I need medication for overthinking?
That depends. Many therapy patients have succeeded without the use of medication. A mental health provider will help you figure out what the best approach is for your case